The Supreme Court Is Out of Control—Here’s How to Turn Up the Heat

Inspired by Hunter S. Thompson

The rot at the heart of the Supreme Court isn’t just a matter of ideology—it’s money, raw and festering, smeared across the black robes like blood on butcher’s aprons. These aren't just judges anymore; they’re aristocrats in disguise, fed by billionaires and shielded by lifetime appointments. Take Neil Gorsuch, who swore himself to the altar of originalism while his cousin flipped a dusty Colorado plot—valued at $10 million—for a greasy $76 million payday from none other than real estate tycoon Vladislav Doronin. You don’t need a conspiracy theory when the paper trail reads like a bad Cold War novel. It’s not just shady—it’s radioactive.

Then there's Clarence Thomas, the Grand Duke of corruption, living like a jet-setting oil tycoon off the generosity of Harlan Crow—a man with more properties than morals and a bizarre obsession with Nazi memorabilia. Thomas has spent years taking undisclosed gifts, luxury trips, private tuition for a relative, and God knows what else, all while pretending to be a humble man of the people. Meanwhile, he’s casting votes that reshape the nation for generations, backed by a billionaire’s checkbook and the confidence that no one will hold him accountable. This isn’t ethics—it’s legalized bribery with a robe and gavel.

Samuel Alito isn’t far behind, quietly catching his own gravy train via Paul Singer, a hedge fund goliath with cases in front of the very court Alito pretends to judge impartially. One minute he’s sipping wine on a private jet bound for Alaska, the next he’s ruling in favor of Singer’s business interests. You don’t need a law degree to smell that conflict—it stinks like old money and fresh bullshit. And what do we hear from the so-called Chief Justice John Roberts? Crickets. His wife’s recruitment firm rakes in millions from elite law firms with business before the Court, but Roberts clutches his pearls any time someone mentions oversight.

The real question now is: who’s not on the dole? Brett Kavanaugh owes half his life to secret donors who wiped out his mountain of baseball-ticket-and-luxury-debt sins. Amy Coney Barrett, wrapped in her faux modesty, gave the green light to ethics violations while sitting like a statue in a dying republic. The highest court in the land has become a high-priced auction house, and justice is just another item on the block—sold to the richest bastard with the best view of the golf course.

If Chief Justice John Roberts had even half the spine his title implies, he could burn the whole rotten scaffolding down and start fresh—strip the robes off these grifters, drag the Court out of the shadows, and slap a goddamn ethics code on the table like Moses coming down from the mountain with tablets etched in subpoena ink. He’s the one man who could rip the black curtain open, force financial transparency, and put these billionaire lapdogs under oath until they squeal like hogs at a Koch brothers’ barbecue. But that would take guts, clarity, and a willingness to torch the comfy backroom deals that keep this corrupt circus humming. The question is: does he want to be a guardian of justice—or just another clerk in the gift shop of American decline?

Writing your congressman might feel like tossing a match into a hurricane, but enough matches start a fire—and these judges can’t ignore the smoke forever. Congress holds the purse strings, the subpoena power, and the public stage, and if you flood their inboxes with rage and righteous demands for a real investigation, they’ll start to sweat under the collar of their donor-padded suits. Make it loud, make it relentless, make it personal. These bastards only move when the heat gets unbearable, and it's high time we turned the burner up to full blast. The justices might be untouchable in theory, but pressure from Congress is the crowbar that cracks the marble.

1. U.S. Senate

• Visit: https://www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm

• You’ll find an alphabetical list of all U.S. Senators with links to their official websites and contact forms.

2. U.S. House of Representatives

• Visit: https://www.house.gov/representatives

• Use the search tool to find your Representative by ZIP code, then use the website links to email or call them directly.

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